At Christmas I always get a little stressed trying to come up with the perfect gift for parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. I don't worry too much about my own kids, though I do try to get Ethan something awesome (usually to no avail).
I am the type of person who really values making something for someone else. This year I did not make one single thing for anyone and it was a surprising relief. Those last minute moments of trying to finish crocheting something, tying the last few stitches in a quilt, or painting the finishing touches on a painting always gets me a little worked-up, but I love that feeling when someone opens a gift that I have put not only my time into, but also a little piece of myself.
I think the reason I feel this way is that my "love language" is quality time. To me, giving my time is the same as giving myself and vice versa. This year, although I felt the last minute relief...I felt a disturbing indifference about Christmas and the gifts I was giving. I'm sure that this was in large part to the fact that I wasn't giving something that told them (in my language) that I love them.
The funny part about it is that some of the gifts I gave were better received than any year's past. Ethan and I were analyzing the reason for this and discovered that the love language of the receiver was probably just different from mine, so the homemade gifts in the past weren't seen as gifts of love, but perhaps... cheap? I racked my brain this year to come up with something satisfactory for some people and in the end came up with something they really appreciated and will use. Success!! I hope that in finding that perfect gift they feel that love I put into their gift even though it wasn't spoken in a language I really understand.
If you have never read The Five Love Language by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend it. It discusses the fact that everyone has a primary love language and argues that there are 5 basic languages with many dialects within each. The 5 are: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Personal Touch. While no one speaks exclusively in one language, they understand and speak one with the most comprehension. I have come to the conclusion that when looking for the perfect gift for the people I love, I have to consider what language they speak, if I'm speaking German and they speak French it won't go over too well, but if I get a French/German Dictionary and make an effort, they will probably get the message.
1 comment:
Kim you are alot like your mother. I too like to give something that I have made. Then I worry that the ones that are receiving my special gifts won't like them. And won't be able to return them to get something that they would like. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to make something for the ones that I love, because really I am giving them a part of me. Maybe you feel the way you do because you have watched me over the years. Some of my favorite gifts have been the ones my children have made for me.
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